Wells Fargo is the OAG I just can’t seem to break up with

If Wells Fargo Bank were a person, she would be an OAG. You go there to make one simple transaction, and bam! she is all up in your face asking a million questions. Clicking around all frantically on the computer, like she is playing a game of Minesweeper, which unlocks personal information and special offers. How does she know so much about my account and my spending habits?! Why is she always suggesting that I try new things? And asking if I am satisfied with her service?

God lady, get off my back! Enough of the interrogation! If I wanted to take out a loan, I’d ask, okay?! I already know about your online banking and credit card options. I prefer to invest elsewhere. And you better be sure I will tell you if I become unsatisfied with your service. In fact, keep asking me, and I will become unsatisfied and bored with you.

Can’t you just be confident in the fact that I chose you to be mine? This insecurity wrapped up in all of your desperate questions and frantic suggestions is really starting to cause me to second guess my choice in you.

I will be honest, and I know this might hurt you, but on more than one occasion I have avoided you. When possible, I have simply used the ATM in an attempt to elude your ceaseless inquisition. That sounds so detached and brutal, but I am often left with no other choice. I just can’t handle having my loyalty continually questioned. And I don’t always have the luxury of time that you so desperately wish to spend together.

This all seems so harsh, I know. And I understand open communication and satisfaction is important to you. Maybe it would just be best if we give each other a little space. No, I don’t want to sit down and talk about my options with one of your bankers. Stop begging for my attention, please, before you lose the sliver of grace and dignity you have left.



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